I own all the content and pictures on this site, except where noted. If you steal anything from me, and
especially if you do anything mean or inappropriate with them, I will find you. Then I'll sue you for
theft, slander, libel and any other law that applies. Then I'll ridicule you in humiliating ways
here and everywhere else I contribute to. If you fuck with me, I'll get get all Gladiator on your ass
and unleash hell. Think I'm kidding? So did my a couple of my exes, my old neighbors, as well as
some assholes who ripped me off on Ebay, and last I heard, they were all still trying to undo the
damage I caused.
I somehow made my way down to the birthing stool at the foot of the bed and squatted on it, with Ben behind me to support my body. I was anxious, in pain, and very badly wanting to push.
As Betty and Lisa accomodated themselves, I saw Lisa pull out a flashlight. My room was dimly lit, as it was my preference, and they weren't about to change that. Still, they needed light to look up, um, me, so they could see what was going on in there. Lisa turned the flashlight on and examined me. To me, the baby felt like he was right there, so I asked her, "Do you see anything?" Her response - "Just your chooch," was the funniest moment of the night and proved to be a much-needed tension breaker. It's Ben's favorite moment of the whole experience.
So I began to push and breathe and push and breathe, and this kid of mine was just taking forever to make his way through. I kept saying things like, "Come on, Max, we're ready for you. We want to meet you so badly. It's o.k., baby, you can do this and we're going to be here for you." When suddenly - holy fuck in all that is fucking painful in this world, I'm feeling the most pain I've felt in my entire life, and it feels like my insides are being ripped out of me. And with that, my son's head has come through, and Betty's holding a mirror there, and I see a tiny head covered in black hair. And that was all I needed - with that amazing bit of inspiration, I take a deep breath, push, and there slid out the rest of him.
And just like that, he was in my arms and I was holding him, crying, laughing and covering him with kisses.
It was 1:40 a.m. on September 11, 2005. I was a mother, holding this tiny, wonderful boy in my hands. And I could think of no better day than this one to usher new life into this world.