A Mom, a Blog, and the Life In-Between

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Breastfeeding is Not Wrong or Obscene - And Why Do I Even Need to Point That Out? (UPDATED)

This is the part about blogging and reading blogs that I hate: reading posts about situations in which people behave with such ignorance, such a lack of understanding or compassion, that it makes me physically ill.

When, people of America, will you learn that breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, and that breastfeeding mothers need and deserve as much support as those who don't?

Is that asking too much? Then how about this: when, people of America, will you stop harassing breastfeeding mothers while you continue to turn a blind eye to gratuitous, degrading images of the female body?

Damn, people, I'm pissed, and I really hate feeling this way. Actually, I'm not pissed so much as I am filled with an awful sense of helplessness. It began with this, a post on IzzyMom about a mother on MySpace who has a picture of her baby nursing, and which MySpace has removed three times now for violating its policy about "sexually suggestive images".

Excuse me, MySpace? A picture of a baby nursing is sexually suggestive? But this is not? You're on crack, right? Because last I checked - 30 seconds ago - MySpace is chock-full of naked chicks, and you don't seem to be doing jack-shit about it. But a picture of a baby nursing, that shows less than an inch of skin - that you can take down three times?!

When are people going to get that there's nothing obscene about a mother nursing her child? Better yet, if you find it obscene, can you clue me in why? I know that breastfeeding is a controversial topic (see all my breastfeeding-related posts here), but give me a fucking break. We're a sick, ignorant nation if we can't tolerate the sight of a woman offering her breast to her child.

And you know, I understand that sometimes, breastfeeding advocates (the ones deemed "boob-nazis" or "lactivists") hurt the cause more by being so bitchy and judgmental about it. I get that. But there are times - like right now - when I understand why some women are like that. Because the frustration and feeling of helplessness are so enormous, so overwhelming, when you're trying to do right by your child, and you get kicked out of the mall; or your child's daycare discriminates against you; or you face losing your job. And it seems to me that a lot of energy is spent in the mainstream to make mothers (and fathers) who are committed to breastfeeding come off as militant assholes, stoned-out hippies, or weirdos, but not enough is spent on actually exploring why breastfeeding is a wonderful thing that should receive wide support.

It also seems to me that nowadays the assumption is always that bottle-feeding moms are bullied by breastfeeding moms (to what degree that's actually true doesn't seem to matter), and that the inexcusable acts of some harsh nursing moms somehow justifies the fact that mothers who breastfeed - by and large - receive little to no support from their jobs, their families, or society at large. And that's bullshit. People turn a blind eye to this because in America, breastfeeding is not status quo and the majority of people are appallingly ignorant about it. More than bullshit - that's just wrong. Plain wrong.

And you can choose not to do it - that's fine - but you can't act like mothers who do it are freaks of nature, or undeserving of basic rights and support. So next time a friend, co-worker or relative tells you she's breastfeeding, maybe you should think twice before you roll your eyes, or ask why she's doing "that thing" (as an acquaintance was recently asked by her *alleged* best friend), or shrug your shoulders. Because if that's your take, then you, my friend, are a part of the problem, too.

*****************************************************

UPDATES:

Lauretta writes in the comments: "Hi, my name is Lauretta. I am the creator of the petition going around that is against Myspace deleting the breastfeeding pictures. We currently have 7427 signatures, but would LOVE some more. Our goal is to get 10,000 signatures and then we will be sending it in to Myspace both through e-mail and "old fashioned" snal mail. Please go and sign this petition if you have not already. Thank you!!

http://www.petitiononline.com/Brstfeed/petition.html"

So what are you waiting for??? GO SIGN THE PETITION!

Also, Stephanie from Rag Trade Happy Clothing Co. sent out a bulletin to all her MySpace friends about MySpace's asshattery. In it, she linked to this post. Thanks, Stephanie!

Labels: breastfeeding, discrimination, lack of support, myspace

Posted by Tere @ 2/27/2007 | Permalink |

19 Comments

Jenny posted at 2/27/2007 6:34 PM
Wow. I need to read those posts and get clued into this. I think living in Berkeley made me totally ignorant about this problem. Is breastfeeding controversial? Really? I'm really curious to hear what in the world the controversy could actually be... I know that there are some people who don't want to breastfeed for personal reasons (altho personally I think that its ignorant to not even START breastfeeding after the birth), but I had no idea there were ANTI-breastfeeing people!

Tere posted at 2/27/2007 8:10 PM
From what I gather, the degree of "controversy" varies from state to state.

In Miami, though, forget it. The eye rolling and uncomfortable looks abound. BF is a freaky, foreign thing in these parts.

At least, support is hard to find unless you hook up with LLL or you have a relative who did it too.

Joke posted at 2/27/2007 11:02 PM
I'd just be happy if people stopped abbreviating it as "BF." My wife had a friend who kept talking about going with her husband to a "BF Support Group" and it was't until my wife explained to me what BF stood for (and, more importantly, what it didn't)

-J.

Izzy posted at 2/27/2007 11:03 PM
Thank you so much for addressing these stories, Tere.

I hope this thing just keeps snowballing and that more and more people become outraged over it, as they should be.

I honestly don't understand how things could be so backwards in a supposedly civilized country.

Tere posted at 2/28/2007 9:17 AM
Joke, when writing, it's easier to abbreviate to BF - laziness and all, but when talking, I agree, calling it "BF" sounds off to me.

And Izzy, while stories like this fill me with a rage and sadness that I don't fully understand (and that can affect my ability to communicate like a sane, rational person), as a BF mother, writing about this seems like the least I can do.

I was lucky - I had a wonderful support system, from family, friends and co-workers (breastfeeders and not alike, parents and non-parents alike). But sadly, that's the exception, not the rule.

Balou posted at 2/28/2007 10:25 AM
I'm not a mom yet, so I don't know personally how controversial breastfeeding is. However, I just find it hysterical that MYSPACE is trying to come across as the morality police! Really?? Because the pictures of 15-year-old girls, legs spread eagle on the coffee table, with their toddler watching Spongebob in the background, that's okay and perfectly normal, right? Please, give me a fucking break!

Manola Blablablanik posted at 2/28/2007 10:29 AM
Thanks for posting, T. This irks me too, even though I'm not a mom. This is what happens when sex and violence are glamorized and "removed" from reality ... I hope that this issue gets major press, because it's not just about breastfeeding but a really fucked up majority of people who clearly have issues with the human body and are still stuck at age 12.

Joke posted at 2/28/2007 12:18 PM
Oh, I'm not DEMANDING that you (or, indeed, anyone) change your abbreviatory patterns. I was just daydreaming of a day when I wouldn't be confused.

That said, why is anyone taking ANYTHING done by MySpace seriously?

-J.

Tere posted at 2/28/2007 1:15 PM
Joke, I understand why you ask that, but I guess it's because MySpace's attitude is reflective of the general American attitude about BF [I mean, uh, breastfeeding! ;-)].

I mean, when you have someone as high-profile and supposedly influential as Barbara Walters publicly stating that she was "nervous" and "uncomfortable" by a nursing mom who sat on a plane next to her, and that the whole thing was "gross and disgusting" - we have a problem. A big one. Not because it's BW, obviously, but because that's an ignorant, bigoted attitude that's pervasive in this country, and it has serious repercussions for mothers who choose to nurse their babies. And for whatever reason, people are o.k. with that. But at the end of the day, this about women who put their breasts to their intended use to provide essential nourishment to their babies - and the lack of support for this is shameful.

Sorry, I know, you might've been asking a rhetorical question... I'm getting off the soapbox now...

tracey posted at 2/28/2007 2:01 PM
For goodness sake, last night when my daughter and her friends where doing a craft with magazine cut-outs she pointed to a nursing mother and said, "Mom, this is innappropriate". OMG! I was horrified. MY OWN DAUGHTER! I am ashamed to even admit it. I nursed her for over a year and her sister too (right in front of her and the whole world) and she still thought that showing IT in a magazine was wrong. ARG!

Anyway, that's not really why I'm commenting....I really need your email address Tere! Could you pass it along to me at maypapers@yahoo.com? THANKS!

Gabriel J. Lopez-Bernal posted at 2/28/2007 3:07 PM
Excellent Article Tere...TM is a Public BF supporter!

Myspace should do more to combat the pedophilia which occurs as a result of their site rather than antagonize legitimate users...This is an absurd display of the conservative mindset in this country...

Jenny posted at 2/28/2007 3:55 PM
Wow. This is a case where ignorance has been bliss. I whip my boob out WHEREVER the heck I am to nurse my son (both times around). Just today, I nursed (without a scarf or other discreet thing covering up my breast and nipple) sitting on a couch right next to an older man in a coffeeshop while my older son ran around. I cannot IMAGINE that people find it "gross and disgusting". I seriously had no idea people felt this way, mainly because I first began breastfeeding in Berkeley and because my mom always glorified breastfeeding (although she never nursed me or my sister). Honestly, I find the "controversy" too ridiculous to even get upset over. I dare anyone to say a word to me while I nurse my children. Frankly, I always assumed that non-nursing mothers were silently ashamed of their (what seems to me) kinda selfish or vain choice. I never imagined they judged me! Honestly, I find it laughable.

A Proud "BF" Mom Who Whips Out Her Milky Tit Whenever the Babes So Request It

Jenny posted at 2/28/2007 4:03 PM
Oh one more comment... I did realize the huge difference in breastfeeding culture between Berkeley, CA and Durham, NC and even blogged about it. However, I think I interpreted people's "looks" and "comments" differently. I assumed that people were walking away embarrassed in a "oh I'm so sorry to have stumbled upon your boob. Let me give you some privacy" kind of a way. I never once imagined that they were giving me a "gross, how could you do THAT NASTY THING in public" sort of way.

If anyone reading this post finds nursing gross, nasty, or inappropriate, I'm really curious for you to explain your perspective for my own knowledge. I simply can't wrap my head around it.

Anonymous posted at 2/28/2007 6:06 PM
FYI to anyone who might find this useful:

Florida law protects breastfeeding "anywhere a mother is allowed to be". This applies to places both public and private. If a mother is allowed to be there, she is also allowed to nurse. The law even specifies that she is protected regardless of breast or nipple exposure. It is actually a pretty progressive law compared to most states.

Most nursing moms I know (and I've known many, as I have been helping moms to breastfeed in a para-professional capacity for over five years now), myself included (though I no longer have a nursling), are actually quite discreet whether or not they use a blanket to cover up.

Whenever I see a mom nursing a little one in public I make a point of going up to her, smiling, and telling her that she is giving her child a great gift and that she should be proud of herself.

From Tere's sister, Ana

cecilia posted at 3/01/2007 11:47 PM
I breastfed for a year and I loved it! I even cried like a baby when he decided he wanted whole milk instead. However, I got all the eyes rolling, stupid comments that people make along with it.

Babygirl posted at 3/05/2007 1:42 PM
Try living in Utah. Nipples = SIN.

Anonymous posted at 3/05/2007 6:41 PM
Hi, my name is Lauretta. I am the creator of the petition going around that is against Myspace deleting the breastfeeding pictures. We currently have 7427 signatures, but would LOVE some more. Our goal is to get 10,000 signatures and then we will be sending it in to Myspace both through e-mail and "old fashioned" snal mail. Please go and sign this petition if you have not already. Thank you!!

http://www.petitiononline.com/Brstfeed/petition.html

Tere posted at 3/05/2007 8:52 PM
Rock it, Lauretta!

I'm moving the link to the post itself.

The Mommy Blogger posted at 1/01/2009 6:52 PM
Great post...I nursed all of my children between 14-18 months. I think it is the best for the baby and the mother!