A Mom, a Blog, and the Life In-Between

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The Great Baby Debate of 2008

What's up with the way some topics become important all of a sudden? One minute you're fine, living the life you're accustomed to, and the next, ZAP! IMPORTANT TOPIC takes front and center and consumes everything else.

The pondering and debating over baby #2 hasn't gone quite that far yet, but it's where we're headed. I can tell. It became obvious when Ben told our usual server at the local diner (when she asked us about having another child; and, by the way, don't you love how people ask that question apropos of absolutely nothing?), "We're in negotiations."

We are? Last I checked, I was not even sure I wanted this baby. And yet here we are, in negotiations. I know why he said that - because he is thinking more openly about this idea, and I keep bringing this non-existent kid up. I've caught myself saying "when" instead of "if". I've been surprised to snap myself out of a reverie, only to realize I'd been girding myself for some aspect of having a newborn I just don't like, because if I feel as prepared as possible for something, I'm more apt to just soldier through without hating it too much.

So we are in negotiations. But right now, negotiations are limited to one of us saying, "What are we going to do about another baby?" and the other replying, "I have no clue." Which is a step up from, "What are we going to do about another baby?" - "UGH. UGH. UGH."

Sigh. This is a tough one for me. I ultimately want to have more than one child, and I'd like there to not be too many years between my kids. But the newborn stage was so incredibly hard for both of us. And the jump from one to two is probably going to be really friggin' big and exhausting. And it's just now that life has settled into a nice rhythm. And I have a lot of crap I need to resolve and make my peace with before I become more of a mother and less old Tere.

Right now, there are as many pro's as there are con's. I feel inside that this is the year to really get a grip on this stuff and decide what we want to do, because it just seems wrong to dive in without really thinking about it simply because "we should" or because I'm yearning to be pregnant and adorable once again.

But to know that negotiations are officially open makes me feel like the decision has been made, and all that's really pending is for us to really accept the inevitable.

Labels: motherhood, parenting, second baby

Posted by Tere @ 2/09/2008 | Permalink |

9 Comments

slouching mom posted at 2/09/2008 7:17 PM
This is tough.

I continue to assert that there are more pluses than minuses to having two kids, and that it's actually EASIER than having one.

But I know that you won't likely believe me until (or unless) you experience it for yourself.

Good luck, Tere. And Ben.

The Florida Masochist posted at 2/09/2008 10:25 PM
Tere,

You're the boss, and the one having the child, so you have the final say. Good luck which ever way you decide. God bless.

Bill

InTheFastLane posted at 2/10/2008 7:40 AM
Having never "decided" to have any of my 3 kids, I can say that you are never "ready." But, you can just make a decision and roll with what works for you :)

Balou posted at 2/10/2008 10:38 PM
Pregnant or not, you're always adorable!

Claudia posted at 2/11/2008 10:16 AM
Well, the inevitable finally caught up with us and I'm scared as heck.

I too DID NOT enjoy the newborn period and am frightened of what having two children will entail.

Anonymous posted at 2/11/2008 12:11 PM
I continue to assert that there are more pluses than minuses to having two kids, and that it's actually EASIER than having one.

But I know that you won't likely believe me until (or unless) you experience it for yourself

This is true for me also. For me it's just as much "work"..changing diapers..baths...dinner..with one more kid. You and B are great parents and will make anything work!

Cecilia

Jodi posted at 2/11/2008 3:31 PM
It's tough. I've been very vocal that we are only having one. Yet, just saturday night my husband brought up getting a vasectomy and I was like, well, I'm not 100% sure yet, I'm 99.9% sure. You are always in negotiations, I think no matter what you decide.

Mari posted at 2/11/2008 3:33 PM
WTF? Having two is NOT easier than having one! That is nonsense.

However, we had the same discussions you are having. Ultimately, it came down to the fact that my husband was an only child and would've enjoyed having a sibling.

I love, love, love our second child. I would in no way say that it is easier having two, but the second child (although ours has a lot more...personality -read bullheadedness- than the first) does bring lots of joy to all. And, it is easier the second time around. I just wouldn't say the overall experience is easier with two vs. one.

Good luck!

LIBSMOM posted at 2/12/2008 8:50 AM
I have to agree with slouching Mom. I have three boys and found the company and extra hands of an older sibling made it much easier. I felt more complete, more at ease and more ready when the second boy came.
However, when #3 of 3 came? Crazy took on a whole new meaning :)
Good luck with whatever you decide. I think I'd try and negotiate a new Lexus with the deal though!