A Mom, a Blog, and the Life In-Between

Monday, December 22, 2008

Jesus Wants Me To Date You

I always know I've been watching too much Lifetime TV when I find myself fantasizing about randomly crossing paths with a handsome, slightly older man who's well-adjusted and emotionally stable. By the time I'm picturing us holding hands as we walk through a snowy park, Max running ahead of us, him kissing my cheek before running off to chase the boy, while I toddle along with a very pregnant belly, I know I've sunk far too deeply into the Land of Things That Do Not and Most Likely Will Not Exist and must reign it all back in.

So I do - I pull back and laugh at myself and spend a few amused minutes thinking about how absurd it is for me to find myself here, a 31-year-old single mom who loves the idea of a wonderful, loving man but is too damaged to believe that man could ever be hers. The absurdity is tinged with a dash of pain, a feeling not of complete hopelessness, but rather the sharp sting that comes with being too realistic a person.

I've caught myself a few times wondering if I would ever be the kind of person who actively seeks to date. So far, it's a "no" on that one; I don't see why I would ever want to be a part of the dating scene or go through the torture of having to meet people and stress about all that goes with that - I prefer to leave the possibility of finding a wonderful partner to chance. Still, I also know it's foolish to say "never" and so I won't.

O.k., this is the part where Jesus Christ comes in.

Because in those moments when I've imagined myself as someone else, as someone who would "get out there" and have an entirely different attitude about the whole thing, I've thought about the concept of using one's religion as the way to meet new people and possibly find a mate.

Considering the success of sites like JDate, this is not a strange notion. It is *strange* to me because I am not sufficiently tied to Catholicism (hello, anyone remember the Jewish husband?) to truly believe a Catholic dating site or singles group would be the key to all this. And yet, I find an appeal in it. Perhaps it gives me a sense of safety, or a belief that anyone in a site or group centered around a religion is playing in a field closer to mine.

So with these being my thoughts on the matter, I was particularly pleased to have dinner recently at the same time that a Catholic singles group was having a speed dating event at the restaurant. Because my group was seated in the smaller private section that the Catholic group was using, I was able to witness the men and women as they went about their speed dates, and for me, it was utterly fascinating.

I obviously had my own preconceived notions about what a dating group or singles out on the prowl would be like, because I was pleasantly surprised by how normal and ordinary everyone seemed. There was no sense of pretension or b.s. in the air, just some amusing awkwardness. It really seemed like they were just there to have fun and enjoy themselves - and suddenly, the whole idea seemed not as intimidating or awful.

At some point in the evening, we chatted with some of the folks in the group. We got more information on how the speed dates worked and had some fun in my own group trying it out. The thing is, I seriously doubt I could ever do a real speed date; mainly, because how can I possibly cram the Awesomeness of Tere into a mere five minutes? Playing around that night, it felt impossible to say a single thing that would be of any use or interest to anyone in that amount of time. Still, I suppose the idea is to give someone a taste to see if their interest is sparked; I still I would fail at that, though.

I decided to try to find more info on this group and see what their story was. I was able to locate Jim, the founder of Catholic Singles in Miami, and we had a nice chat about dating and religion.

I learned that this group was fairly new and had done just a couple of speed dating activities. Jim and his wife started the group because they wanted to do this for friends who had interest in meeting other Catholic singles, and though speed dating would be a good way to go. He feels there's a big need for this type of group, based on feedback he's received. Turns out that people want to meet people within the safety of their religion but also want it to be something cool, more casual, less "churchy".

When I expressed my apprehension at the thought of having just five minutes to showcase all the ways in which I'm awesome, Jim said the purpose of the speed dating was more about experiencing dates, about getting out there and connecting. The conversations should be very general, not too deep or personal.

So what about the Catholic aspect? It's easy to see why someone who goes to church would want to date people who are ideally like-minded: it's comfortable and safe. Still, not everyone agrees on Church teachings, and values are not guaranteed to be the same. This, ultimately, would be my problem with this option. I can totally see the appeal to it, yet I am too lapsed a Catholic to be taken seriously by any guy looking for a good Catholic mate. I would be the black sheep of the Catholic daters, for sure.

The thing that blew my mind about all this, though, was finding out that a lot of people join singles/dating groups because what they want is someone to go to church with. Huh. I hadn't even thought of that. And yet, I get it. Did I not enjoy Mass the most among my friends, when I had company I could share the experience with? Perhaps in this lonely world, for many people it's not about hooking up or finding a soul mate; it's just about trying to deepen one's faith, and finding an agreeable companion whom one can do that with.

I like that idea very much, even if I could not see myself ever being as brave as these nice people. Really, on some level I know I can manage a date, but whenever I actively think about this, I just cringe. I can't handle it. I am so fail at this, it's not even funny. As it is, I've already experienced that situation where it's "my friend thinks you're cute, can he contact you?" - only to have that mythological friend never appear. Sweet Jesus, rejection before I even knew who the person was!

I guess that's how it goes. And if that's case, I will most definitely need the Good Lord by my side.

Labels: catholicism, dating, life part 2, single

Posted by Tere @ 12/22/2008 | Permalink |

7 Comments

Jenny posted at 12/22/2008 7:21 PM
Tere, we are disturbingly similar people. I know you know, but damn girl, you don't even know!

Tere posted at 12/22/2008 7:31 PM
O.k., so THIS, I want an email about!

Anonymous posted at 12/22/2008 9:28 PM
I feel the same way Tere...we are truly alike!
Before dating Justin (for the second time) I wanted to try speed dating but was afraid. This post just brought me back to St Stevens Youth Group when I daydreamed about my 1st crush..mmm Adam Moran...also, "I would be the black sheep of the Catholic daters, for sure" made me lol SOOOO HARD.
-cecilia

Suzy posted at 12/23/2008 1:59 PM
I'd hardly call you the 'black sheep' of anything...

***BTW, my word verification word is: 'worsp'....a sign?

Carlos Miller posted at 12/23/2008 9:32 PM
I hear the Catholics are even starting speed confessions, just in case the speed dating goes past first base on the first date.

scg posted at 12/25/2008 7:19 AM
Merry Christmas Tere and Max!

All in God's timing. Focus more on Jesus Christ, and the rest will come.

SCG

Maria de los Angeles posted at 12/25/2008 12:39 PM
Tere, I used to work for the speed dating company. I would go to events and register people and then be in charge of the timer. I also tried it myself a few times. It really isn't that bad at all. It's actually kind of fun. There is no expectation so it's basically like going to a cocktail party and talking to a bunch of people of the opposite sex.