I'm Happy. Seriously.
I've been thinking a lot about the comments in my last post (see below). I'm touched whenever someone tells me something kind, in this case, to be good to myself. I appreciate that. I really do.
One of the things that I've been thinking is that I've been a real downer on this blog for a while now, and I'm sorry for it. The truth is, while I was mired in my problem (which was a large part of last year), life really was rough. Now that it's all over, I look back and think, wow, this thing really affected me. It ate at me and affected my attitude, my mood, everything.
But like I said, it's over now. And you know how sometimes you get so deep into something that you begin to believe it'll always be that way? So that even after it's all over with, you can't really accept it and actually feel good once again? I think I've been struggling with that. I'm free but haven't left the cell.
And in the frame of mind, the challenges of being a full-time working mom to a two-year-old who does not stop have just been amplified. Not that I'm blameless: I get easily frustrated and tend to snap when I feel like I've been patient and easy-going and am faced only with willful misbehavior. But still, I can't deny how that problem affected my attitude about parenting, and I've been struggling to readjust.
I feel like I fell into this pit of gloom, and now that I have no real reason to be in it, I'm wondering how to get out.
But honestly, I want to get back to my own brand of normal. Despite the general moodiness of this blog these last few months, life is good. Most days are very good, and it's a shame that I fail to chronicle those as much I do the bad ones.
That's a life-long habit I'd love to break. I'm not very good with happiness - my general feeling about it is that the minute I accept and embrace it, I will lose it. That's the way it's always been, so I get why I'm so skittish. Still. It's no way to live, and it's one of those things I privately work on very, very hard to conquer.
I'm looking at 2008 as a fresh start in so many ways. And, you know, we'll just have to see how it goes. I can only guarantee that I'm going to do my part.