Labels: life part 2
Labels: random thoughts
Max is with me in bed this morning, snuggled up against my neck. The return of my insomnia has meant that I don't sleep but a couple of hours a night, and those not even very well. I've been spending my nights either wide awake or somewhere between sleep and half-consciousness. Hungover. I feel hungover.
I was in this state when he began to squirm. He adjusted himself, then readjusted. He shifted up, then over, then across my chest. I knew he was waking up but trying not to; he does this almost every day. It's as if he's still tired and wants to keep sleeping, but is also afraid to miss out on anything. He'll sacrifice sleep to be in on the action.
I, meanwhile, clung to whatever sleep or semblance of sleep I could have. I noted this, the way my son was fighting to wake up even though he was asleep, while I was fighting to sleep even though I was awake.
Finally, he could take no more. He popped up, yanked my eye mask off, got right up in my face, and yelled, "peekaboo!" And with that, he was off - jumping on the bed, off the bed; running around the bed; yelling at me to "look!". I have no choice but to get up and start my day, which sucks at 7:15 a.m. on a Saturday.
From there, we head to the living room, where he asks for a cartoon. The problem is that he doesn't know which one, and so he tries to open the glass door of the media cabinet. I step in, before he grabs everything and hurts himself, and run down the list of available DVDs for him to choose from (but not really - I just name three to make life easy for both of us). As I stand there, waiting, he taps his chin and contemplates: "uuummm....", "hhhmmm", "uuummm." We stay this way for what seems like ages, until I tell him to choose or there's no cartoons.
As he watches The Jungle Book, he chatters to the screen and turns to me to point out the animals, the trees, the boy. He shouts, "careful!" and imitates the elephants and snake. He turns to me when I start coughing to ask, "You o.k., mami?"
Who is this little man? Our days are routine and unexciting, yet there is always something new with him - new words, new gestures, new expressions. And, most shocking to me, new understanding. The way he communicates and grasps concepts amazes me, even though a part of me know it's as it's supposed to be. And yet, I am constantly moved, constantly caught off guard by this creature who is so sturdy and smart and stubborn and wily. And I wonder, will he ever cease to surprise me? To make me laugh? To make me want to break into tears?
I hope not. I really, really hope not.