Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Wherein I Prove I am Better Qualified than Palin to Run this Country

Obama really missed the boat on this one. He had a chance to pick the ideal VP candidate and went with Biden instead of me. Obama, you silly presidential candidate of my dreams: I'm the VP candidate you need!

The quick rise of Sarah Palin from obscure Alaskan something-or-other to spectacular train wreck that's too fascinating to look away from has proven a number of things. First, the idea of a woman as president is as closest to a reality as it's ever been. Whether it had been Hillary or it will be Palin (please, Baby Jesus, no), women are closer now more than ever to the most powerful position in the world. Second, being cute does indeed work wonders, even at the highest levels of government. Third, blind, ruthless ambition is a heady intoxicant, but damn, the price it makes you pay can be painfully high. And fourth, apparently anybody can be a VP candidate, including me.

So I'm throwing my hat in race. Actually, I'm frantically waving it in Obama's face, hoping he'll notice and consider dumping Biden and choosing me.

I want to assure you, though,that it's not just my good looks, brains and charm that make me the perfect woman for the job; I have some serious credentials here. Let's take a look:

1. Have you seen how cute I am?

2. I have a long career in public relations, so I've got the b.s. down to a science.

3. I also have a degree in journalism and am not afraid of the media. In fact, I've been interviewed by the media more times than Palin has. Seriously.

4. I only had to go to one university to get my degree.

5. I grew up in a county with a larger (and more diverse) population than all of Alaska.

3. I'm a mother, too. With small, adorable child. Who can resist that?

4. Palin believes dinosaurs walked the earth with humans; my son believes he is a dinosaur. But he's only three.

5. My child is part Jewish - that locks in the Jewish vote. He's also part Cuban - that locks in the Cuban-American vote. Wining over the two most sought-after groups in Florida? Done.

6. I spent 10 years arguing and negotiating with a Jew, so handling Israel/the Mideast will be a snap.

7. I'm fiscally responsible: I pay all my bills, have minimal debt, provide for myself and son and still have enough left over for a nice pair of shoes. All on one modest income in a one of the most expensive cities in the country. Balancing the budget will be easy as pie.

8. My foreign policy is extensive: I live about 100 miles from Cuba, which is practically spitting distance from that damn tyrant; my community is made up of people from all parts of the world; what's more, my parents are foreigners! Also, I once vacationed in the Bahamas.

9. When I get mad, I'm worse than a pit bull with lipstick. A Cuban woman is not one to be messed with.

10. I may not be able to shoot a moose, but I can roast a pig - in a pit in the dirt, to boot.

The choice is clear, people. America needs me. Or Obama. Or maybe a moose.

Yes. Even a moose is better than the alternative.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/30/2008   | | | links to this post

Sunday, September 28, 2008

One Day Left - the AMEX Members Project

Have you seen those TV commercials for American Express Members Projects? There are a number of "projects" that people can vote for - they range in topic, size and scope but all aim to make a significant difference in the lives of the people who will benefit from the funding the participating organizations will receive.

I encourage you to check out the project's "About" page for details on how this works - but basically, the winner is determined by votes made by AMEX cardholders; those who are not cardholders can still participate by promoting their favorite projects in discussion boards.

The folks behind International Medical Corps have contacted me because they are among the top 5 finalists and voting is now down to the wire - just one day left. This organization works to save the lives of malnourished children around the world, and their project, "Saving the Lives of Malnourished Children," stands to gain $1.5 million to help them in their mission to feed the world's children and eradicate malnutrition.

Looking over the 25 finalists, I feel like there are so many great projects - I wish they could all receive funding. Honestly, it's impossible to choose. Still, I hope you consider learning more and cast your vote for a worthy cause.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/28/2008   | | | links to this post

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Dear PETA: Suck my Teet

You know, I miss breastfeeding sometimes. When my son snuggles against me and strokes my neck and gives me that look that says he is so very safe and comfortable - I miss breastfeeding. I miss how it forced me to stop, sit and focus on my boy. I miss the rush of hormones and how it would mellow me out.

Yet, however pro-breastfeeding I am, however much I rant and get pissed when I hear a mom was treated like shit for breastfeeding, I don't yet believe we need to provide human breast milk to all. Especially not in their ice cream. And certainly not when the implication - as recently made by PETA - is that women become the equivalent of cows and provide milk for all, because? IDK, cows are more precious than women or something.

In a letter written to Ben & Jerry's, PETA asks the owners to stop using cow milk in their products and replace it with human breast milk. Using the rationale that "breast is best," they argue that humans would benefit much more from human breast milk than cow milk, which should be reserved for baby cows.

On first reading, this almost sounds good. Like, yay, PETA! Human breast milk for all! Let everyone benefit from the magic elixir!

Then I stopped and thought about this a little more critically. I read HBM's take on the matter. I thought about it some more. Now, I'm just wondering if the deal here is that PETA wants us women to become cows... so cows don't have to be cows? Damn it, I'm confused.

In PETA's estimation, are cows are more important than humans, than women? Must we save the cows at all costs, even if it means turning women into cows? I mean, what are the exact logistics of this plan? Because it's going to take a lot of women to provide the country's milk supply. And shouldn't those women be, you know, nursing their own babies?

And more importantly, is PETA going to strap me to a milking device and force me to lactate all over again? Because frankly, I don't want to feed any of you. No offense. I just don't think our relationship is ready for such a big move.

Seriously, this is a load of bullshit. PETA has become so irrelevant to me; I generally believe in causes related to preventing animal cruelty, but they just take it to an absurd extreme.

In this case, it's not just absurd, it's bordering on hilarious. And scary. It's a little scary.




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Posted by Tere @ 9/27/2008   | | | links to this post

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I Need a Bubble Bath

Ooooohhhhh man. Exhausted. Stressed. Extra impatient. Pick one, any one, and you've got me.

Work is driving me crazy, and it will continue to do so until mid-October. It's all good - I like being so busy; it's just that on top of the big events I'm working on, I have a multitude of things that keep popping up and need my attention, and - ugh. Not enough hours in the day, you know?

And like I told someone in an email today, days like these make me feel my aloneness more keenly than normally because all I want is sympathy and TLC and dinner waiting for me, and, well, you know. Not the case.

I don't think I can stress enough how much I love my home now. It's big, big mess right now, but it has become my refuge, and it's wonderful. This little place does so much to help me decompress and feel safe and happy. During stressful days like this, such a simple thing means everything to me. It's all I have.

Well, and my beloved monkey, of course. He who makes everything so much better. He who loves laughing and never fails to make me smile. He who is the warmth that makes me glow. He who never stops moving. He who went to sleep at 10 p.m. tonight. He who yelled at me, "I don't want mami!" He who drives me insane.

Seriously, I'm just going to soak in my tub for an hour. Or 20.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/24/2008   | | | links to this post

Saturday, September 20, 2008

You Need Me In Your Life

My dear Balou recently wrote about a little project we've taken on (I ain't telling you what it is! Go read her blog if you want to know!)

Anyway, in the comments of this post, Balou's friend Damaris (who is herself a lovely, lovely lady) wrote something that has got to be among the nicest, sweetest things someone has ever said about me: "everyone should have a Tere in their lives!!!!!!"

Jesus, I could cry. But I won't. I'll just say that Damaris knows what she's talking about, and yes, YOU NEED A TERE IN YOUR LIFE!

:-)

Posted by Tere @ 9/20/2008   | | | links to this post

Thursday, September 18, 2008

My Statuses Are Too Many For Facebook To Contain

Oh my, oh my. I'm feeling, once again, very full of status updates, more than Facebook can handle. So let's just do 'em here, shall we?

Tere...

... is full of Max love, because he has been so cute and charming and sweet these last few days

... is eager for the weekend, for a chance to rest

... wants news shoes (it's boot season!)

... had a hideously painful waxing session yesterday

... really is entering a high-heel phase

... is currently experiencing excruciating pain in her neck and back

... feels bad that she's been so mopey and sad-like lately

... is stressed out about some health issues

... needs to organize her closet

... has a few home-improvement projects she really needs to get a move on

... is planning her new garden

... wants to host a party/get-together/BBQ

... is seriously considering getting a Quaker parrot

... would like to plan a REAL vacation for sometime next year

... was cursed out by someone in traffic today

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Posted by Tere @ 9/18/2008   | | | links to this post

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

And Then There Was Clarity

I've been very tired lately, feeling like I no longer care to be strong or brave or efficient. My thoughts, if I can be perfectly honest, have centered around two very selfish questions: when will it be my turn? When will I get a chance to be taken care of for once?

I wish there was a way I could diplomatically explain how NOT taken care of I have been for years now. But there's no way to get into that without being unfair and angry, and so I won't. But I've been thinking deeply about this, thinking about the way I have long accepted and settled for whatever crumbles people have wanted to toss at me, and honestly? I'm fed up. I mainly feel this way because I can no longer ignore the fact that - generally speaking - the amount of attention and support I give is a world away from what I get. And while I'm sure I could be a bigger person and realize that I am the way that I am because I want to be, because I like being a certain way with people I care about, I gotta say, F that. I can't do it anymore. I need something in return.

Thankfully, I'm not talking about my sisters and friends here. Because that would suck on top of everything else. I'm doing that thing that I do where I stress about past situations, past patterns, and the way those can potentially affect me now or affect my future. Which is stupid, I know, but I can't help it!

The way I see it, I should be clear with myself as to what I will or will not tolerate from a man, as well as regarding my real, most basic needs. And chief among those needs is the need to be cared for and being taken care of.

Let's pause right here and clarify what being "cared for" and "taken care of" do and do not mean.

It does not mean:
- getting whacked
- being set up in a big, lavish (lonely) house
- having everything paid for
- being provided with shopping sprees
(that's a lie; of course I want shopping sprees)
- being provided an "allowance"
- doing most of the housework then rubbing it in my face
- being *convinced* to stop working

It does mean:
- rubbing my feet/legs after a long week
- being able to look at me and know that some coffee and Golden Girls are needed, immediately
- making it clear (by actions and words) that I and our life together are priority
- responding, "of course, my love" when I say it might be time for a new pair of shoes
- being able to realize how much I do and give and verbally acknowledging it to me
- providing scalp/neck massages - lots of those
- being affectionate on a daily basis (but not overly so, no need to smother me)
- knowing (and then giving me) the things I really value: good food, relaxing evenings, See's chocolates, honest and engaging conversation, delicious coffee, great laughs

Of course, neither list is complete, but those are some main points.

I need to write this down, need to see it this way, because I've been feeling like someone who takes care of everyone and everything around her, yet no one ever stops to consider her or her needs. And that just sucks. Like, how awesome would it be to end up in a situation where someone else can look at me and say, "stop, relax, let me do this for you"? I think I would faint from the shock. I would. And if they were they type of person who's just like that, just because, I think I'd have a stroke. Or maybe be convinced they're an alien. Yes, an alien.

So this, making my list, verbalizing this need in this way, this will serve me well one day. Now it is here, definite and concrete; and so help me, if I ever come around this blog gushing about some guy and how fantastically in love I am, someone better whip this post back up for me and call me on it. Y'all hear me?

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Posted by Tere @ 9/17/2008   | | | links to this post

Monday, September 15, 2008

Not Today

I know I should write something. "Should" by the standard I've set here; you know, write a few times a week, sometimes a few days in a row.

But I can't today. I feel like shit. Inside. Like shitty shit. It is a lot of things, really, things I've tried to write out only to end up deleting them because the words, they come out all wrong. It's like all the thoughts are nice and orderly and make total sense in my head, but they look stupid and whiny and ridiculous on paper. Man, I hate that.

All that this means to me is that I need some more time to sort it all out in my head before I can communicate it effectively. That's all, easy-peasy.

Oh, and figure out a way to not feel so friggin' crappy and sad and blah, blah, blah, cry, cry, cry.

Like I said, easy-peasy.

Sigh.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/15/2008   | | | links to this post

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Three

The night you were born, exhausted and exhilarated, I held you tight in my arms. I didn't want to let you go, and together, with your father sitting next to us, we greeted your new family. The pictures show as one by one they approached the bed, marveling at your tiny pink face, laughing at that incredible shock of dark hair.

They had all heard me as I moaned from the depths of my being, struggling to bring you into this world. Had that merely been just a half hour ago? Once you were out, I felt renewed, reborn - and so achingly exhausted that it took all my strength to make it through that bath I so desperately needed. By the time I was fresh and clean and snuggled in bed, you were back from being measured and weighed and poked and prodded.

It didn't register when they told me you were small. You looked so beautiful and perfect to me that I saw nothing wrong with you. Most importantly, you fit perfectly in my arms, as if they had been made for you and had spent all those years just waiting for this moment.

But you were small. Small enough to cause concern. I didn't know then that had you been born in a hospital, they would have whisked you off to the NICU, where you would have been placed in an icubator and observed. I'm so glad you weren't born in a hospital, because there was no place you belonged at that moment but in my arms. I somehow knew that while you were small, you were fine - healthy and robust. But that critical first night required that we measure your glucose levels and temperature every hour. In-between, though, you were mine, safe in my arms.

That night - you and me warm and snuggled in the peaceful blue room - is forever etched in me. You slept soundly against my chest, mewing when the midwife would wake you to do another test. I'm not sure if we nursed much - all I have is the sensation of you in my arms, pressed against me, while I struggled through my first night of the anxious, fear-filled sleep only a mother knows.

Remembering all this as I look at the incredible three-year-old that you are today, I believe that cliché about time flying and wonder where it all went. My baby is less so every day, replaced by a boy so wonderful that I ache. You are everything I wanted in a son, everything I ever dreamed of when I would think about wanting a family. There is nothing I would change about you, nothing I would trade for. Even with all your stubborness and mischievousness , you are the perfect son for me.

These last couple of years, but in particular these last months, have not panned out as I'd hoped for us. I think often of all I'd planned and dreamed, of the way life develops in ways we can imagine but still hope will never happen to us, of the way my choices will affect you. I think of our mutual transitions, our mutual struggles, and the ones we must survive on our own. If there is one thing I hope will remain consistent, one thing I hope you never doubt or question, is the deep, abiding love I have for you. It is this love - this love that is made up of joy and pain and sadness and glimmers of hope - that guides all that I do now.

Amidst all this uncertainty I want to give you stability, laughter and real happiness. I want to offer you what I never had and even still the things I dreamed that right now can't be.

Amidst all this uncertainty I would give anything to have that first night again; to relive that moment when everything was perfect and we knew complete joy. When all my love and all my pain became one and ushered you into this world, into my life. When my life was nothing more than having you so perfectly in my arms.

Happy birthday, my son.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/11/2008   | | | links to this post

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Replace the Rent with the Stars Above

I forget that we are all insecure. I forget that we all feel lonely. I forget that we all look at ourselves in the mirror - at one point or another - and ask ourselves, "who will ever see value in this?"

I forget. I forget it's not just me. I think it's because everyone else seems to do a better job of hiding it. I feel that I am a transparent being - not so good at hiding my emotions, my eyes always betraying the fear, the worry. Enough people have told me this for me to now believe it; I long ago let go of the bravado, the conviction that I had the world's best poker face. I don't.

There are moments, though, when I look at someone and it's like the veil lifts for a brief, fleeting moment. And in that moment I see myself reflected - my own insecurities and doubts and fears; my own humanity. In these rare moments I feel a connection to the other, one I wish I could attain more frequently, more readily.

I think of this because I get so consumed with my own self-consciousness - or rather, with the masking of this self-consciousness - that I spend most of my time thinking everyone else is the strong, impenetrable rock of a person I strive so hard to be. However untrue that may be, it is lost on me in the day-to-day.

What's not lost on me is the way I focus on being strong so intensely that I negate my own vulnerability. I hate being vulnerable; or rather, I hate exposing that vulnerability, hate appearing weak. There has never been a point in my life where showing that part of myself has done me any good - it has never been safe. Like a fool, I keep trying, not wanting to punish everyone else for the hurt caused by others, but I doubt my ability to do this. Is it that I'm doing something wrong, or that I choose the wrong people to show that side of myself to? I think how there are those who love and accept me as is, and so maybe all I have to do is allow more people like that in and keep the rest out.

And yet, however foolish I feel, I don't always want to be strong and emotionless. Sometimes, I just want to crack and spill my sappy guts all over the place; I want to be sensitive and take it personally and not be made to feel like an ass for that; I want to ask my questions and have them patiently answered. I've come to approach most relationships as businesslike as possible because it's seemed that nothing else will protect me - but that feels so wrong, and it's not what I want. I think I'm an open person, I certainly strive for that; but I am open only so much. And my pattern is that as any one individual hurts or ignores me, or pisses me off too much, my wall against them grows thicker and thicker until the only option is to ask them to leave my life. It's a pattern that's worked well enough this far, but honestly, it sucks.

In the end, I only wish to remember that everyone is like this in one way or another; that some risks are worth taking and shouldn't be measured up against the past; that I am far more vulnerable and sensitive than I care to admit - but it's o.k. to be so if that is whom I truly am.

That we all are - in our own ways - fragile, and that includes me. My challenge is to not fear the fragility.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/09/2008   | | | links to this post

Friday, September 05, 2008

I'm Remarkable. And Positive. And Positively Remarkable.

I loved this post by Balou about this website she recently found. You Are Remarkable is all about positive reinforcement and developing a good self-esteem. Contrary to all the nonsense I've been writing here, I actually have a healthy self-esteem - but I could always use a boost, and I'd never turn down an opportunity to toot my own remarkable horn.

The most recent post asks us to write down five positive things about our day, and five things we like about ourselves. It says to do it for a month, but we all know I have a poor track record with regular features around here, so, um, probably won't happen.

I'll use yesterday as the day to work off of (because it's now Friday at 7 a.m. so I don't yet have much going on today!)

Five Positive Things About My Day:

1. I was woken up by a yummy little monkey who was kissing me and saying, "good morning, mami!"
2. I got a lot done at work.
3. Had what I think is a productive conversation about "the business."
4. One word: gnocchi.
5. Made an important decision about my health.

Five Things I Like About Myself:

1. I'm a great mother.
2. My lips and my eyes.
3. My sense of humor, even though it makes sense only to me.
4. I'm a really good cook, and I like being creative in the kitchen.
5. I always make a conscious effort to be fair.

You know, as much as I like myself, I realize I'm really self-critical, and harsh at that. Coming up with specific good things about myself was actually kinda hard, since the most I ever think about is vague stuff like "I'm a good person." That's nice and all, but weak. Still, it was nice to sit here and pick and choose among some of my finer qualities to share here. You might want to try it, even if you don't have a blog. Make a short list of some of your better characteristics - then post it somewhere where you can see it at least once a day. We all need to remember the things that make us special.

*******************************************************

On the heels of yesterday's post, one of my pals sent me a hilarious video clip that essentially captures the way I sometimes wish dating was. I can't embed it, but go here if you want to see it and watch from 2:52 to 3:48.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/05/2008   | | | links to this post

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Circle "Yes" or "No"

So, anyone want to clue me in on what dating is like nowadays? Because I've realized I haven't got a clue, have no point of reference, and couldn't imagine what to do or expect or anything.

Let me first tell you why: I haven't been single in 10 years. A decade. Just earlier this year I was thrilled at having made it this far with one person, even as (or maybe precisely because) I knew it was all crumbling around me, had been for so long, and I was insisting on holding on. I neither regret nor am upset about this: I am a monogamist; I believe in the long-term; I want the long-term; and I have the peace of mind that I did every single thing under the sun to make it work until there was nothing left to try. So I harbor no ill feelings, no sense of wasted time. It was as it had to be.

During the time we were apart, I dated someone, so technically, my dating experience/knowledge is not a decade old, but it's still pretty old. More importantly, the person I dated was someone I'd known and dated back in high school, so it was a situation where we were instantly comfortable: we already knew we clicked and had chemistry, that we had a lot in common, and that we didn't have to play games with each other. So it just wasn't the same.

Given all this, I feel like a blind person walking in a mine field.

Wait. I could go with the flow, right? Let go, not give this another thought until it's staring me right in the face? Oh, hahahahahahaha. That's not me. I need a plan, I need knowledge, I need to be 10 steps ahead.

It's not every aspect of dating/men/all this crap I need help with, just the part where you have to guess what exactly is going on and what all the unspoken words (some spoken ones, too) and gestures mean. That's all.

Thankfully, I have some great friends who are willing to guide me along and let me stress out on their time. Take, for example, this recent chat between my girl Balou and me:

Me: o.k., so i need to know: do people still "ask" to go steady (and use the term "go steady"), or do some kind of verbal confirmation - or will i be expected to figure it out on my own?
maybe through telepathy?

Balou: lol

Me: seriously, i don't want to make assumptions or be an ass - would rather avoid that.

Balou: i'll play devil's advocate. if the guy spends almost all his free time with you and is attentive and thoughtful, wouldn't that tell you something?

Me: just that he likes me, not that we're exclusive. for all i would know, he's seeing other people, too.
which would be fine, i guess, and would mean i could also see whomever i please and not get hung up on someone who could take me or leave me. >:-(
don't mean to be so bitchy, just don't want to go out of my way or be as loving and awesome as i like being with someone who doesn't even want to make it exclusive and be in "relationship" mode. why bother.
ugh - getting worked up for no reason.

Balou: it's o.k. better to know how you feel and stick to your standards. BUT... i don't think a guy would waste time "dating" a chick unless he's into her. if he wanted to be "just friends" believe me, you would know the difference. my best friends have always been guys so i know that of which i speak!

Me: yeah. just wondering how it's done nowadays to see if i'm being realistic. for me, i am not anyone's g/f until there's a conversation or i'm asked (and damn, it better be sweet and/or romantic!). and i certainly won't stick around for months and months and months on end in some weird kind of limbo.

Balou: me either.

Me: but that could be unrealistic or old-fashioned. i have no idea. i myself wouldn't even know how to have this conversation, so what can i expect from someone else?
lmao i could almost imagine being asked - will they give me a note that says, "will you be my girlfriend? circle 'yes' or 'no'" ahahahahaha

Balou: Yeah, but then you could play all hard to get and just write 'maybe' instead! lol!

Me: true. i'd laugh my ass off. then melt.
then again, it could be crystal clear. the guy could be SO crazy about me that i won't feel any uncertainty and he won't be such a baby or pussy or mysterious about it. at least, that's how it's going to have to be for me to even take him THAT seriously.

Balou: i would think so. i mean, at least to me if the guy doesn't say "you're my GF" i don't make the assumption. dating is dating. but a committed, exclusive relationship is something i feel needs to be addressed directly. no guessing. maybe WE (you and me) are not like most people. i need the confirmation.

Me: no, i totally get that - i feel the same and am just glad i'm not the only one!


Definitely not a conversation I ever thought I'd have, but hey. Now I have one more piece of valuable info to file away for when (if) it's necessary.

I swear, though, my devoting this much brain space to these kinds of things only shows me that even when I have no real concrete thing to stress about, I always manage to find something! But still, I find a strange comfort in thinking things out, having an idea, feeling a tiny, fleeting degree of control over the uncontrollable. I just hate getting caught off guard.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/04/2008   | | | links to this post

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Triple Threat: Poop, Pacifier, and Bedtime

Poop, pacifier and bed: the three things killing me right now.

O.k., so they’re not killing me, exactly, they’re just the three things that are ruling my household right now, and at least once a day I question if I’m being smart or dumb in taking all three on at once.

Keep reading...

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Posted by Tere @ 9/03/2008   | | | links to this post

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

A Family, a Home, a Second Chance

Soon after I wrote about the child I'll never have, one of my loyal readers/pals/shopping partners sent me a link to some very lovely news: more than 3500 kids were adopted in Florida last year.

This is good news. Many strides have been taken/are being taken to make the domestic adoption process a smoother one, and to address the very real problem of older children and sibling groups needing homes (infants continue to be among those most desired - clearly by people who have never had to care for an infant, methinks). In fact, the Miami Heart Gallery is currently on exhibit at the Windisch-Hunt Fine Art in Coconut Grove. The gallery is a traveling exhibit of portraits of children in Miami-Dade's foster care system who are available for adoption. It's funny how badly I want to go see it yet hold back, fearing that looking at those children will affect me too deeply while I am in a position where I can do nothing for them.

A while back ago, it became evident that my plans to adopt from China were going to have to be put on indefinite hold. Since then, I've thought a lot about what the best course of action would be. That I am as committed to adopting now as I've ever been is not an issue. In fact, given my current situation, and my inability to know what the future holds, it could very well be that a couple of years down the line, single and desiring another child, adoption will be my only recourse. And even if that's not the case, if I end up married or in a long-term relationship (what are committed but unmarried couples called nowadays, anyway?), I hope that more children are in my future.

In my search for realistic options, I realized at some point that while there are many benefits to international adoptions, I had been too hasty to dismiss domestic ones. There is something about an older child needing a home and being unable to find one simply due to their age that breaks my heart, enough to do something about it. While I do not want to parent an older child right now, nor do I want Max to have an older sibling, I have realized that I am open to considering this when Max himself is older and I feel better able to parent an older child.

For now, I'd just like to think that either an international or domestic adoption (or both!) will happen for me. I'm so far from ready for something like this, but maybe one day, I can make this long-held dream a reality. One day.

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Posted by Tere @ 9/02/2008   | | | links to this post