I own all the content and pictures on this site, except where noted. If you steal anything from me, and
especially if you do anything mean or inappropriate with them, I will find you. Then I'll sue you for
theft, slander, libel and any other law that applies. Then I'll ridicule you in humiliating ways
here and everywhere else I contribute to. If you fuck with me, I'll get get all Gladiator on your ass
and unleash hell. Think I'm kidding? So did my a couple of my exes, my old neighbors, as well as
some assholes who ripped me off on Ebay, and last I heard, they were all still trying to undo the
damage I caused.
It's your smile that kills me. That, and the way you laugh, so easily and heartily. Oh, and your affection, given so freely, so consistently, so sweetly.
For every thing you do that drives me crazy, there is always the other side: the way you hug me and kiss me and tell me that I make you happy, and the mischievous glint in your eye when you realize you have me right where you want me.
You are, my son, so quirky and sweet and bright that I can't help but beam over you. I wonder - stupidly, because as your mother I'm capable of no other thought - how anyone could know you and not love you. You are this unique little thing, so much your own person; and the way you continually open my eyes to the world and make life interesting and fun and moving is something for which I will always be grateful. You are pain. You are exhaustion. You are elation and pureness and joy.
I think about our life this last year, and how far we've come as a team. We struggle, you and I, because our temperaments clash, and I'm not always as patient as I should be. And yet, we have a home now that is much like what I wanted for us: generally peaceful, punctuated with raucous bouts of chaos. We are easy with one another, and every time I see how comfortable you are with me, in our home, how confidently you move about, I feel that maybe here there is indeed some stability, that I have not yet failed you completely.
I don't know, Maxi, how we survived this last year. But we did, and if I can dare say this out loud, we've survived with minimal scarring. And now, from this vantage point that is so much healthier, so much more sane, my thoughts are about all that lies ahead, about this new life we've made for ourselves and the way it continues to unfold in beautiful ways.
In a year of hardship, we are still so blessed. You are strong and resilient and smart and happy and healthy, a pre-schooler who loves school and his friends and who never fails to greet and chat with people. You have given me the strength I needed to forge ahead, to get out of bed on those days when I felt like the world would swallow me, to smile and laugh when minutes before I'd been crying, to find happiness and peace in the here and now.
Happy Birthday, monkey. For you, for all that you are and all that I see you becoming, I will always be grateful. I wish you a beautiful day and a wonderful year. You are my heart. You are my everything.