How did it all begin? With this post, Into the Void (wow, love that title). I just reread it, for the first time in at least three years, and yeah, I remember that feeling. I didn't go then into the detail I've since shared numerous times, how I wanted to chronicle my life as a mother, to help me remember, and how I wanted to improve my writing skills and figured a site like this, where I'd have to write (almost) every day, would be a good exercise for me.

I mentioned, too, my choice to stop being anonymous, which was a very big deal back then. It still is, inasmuch as I don't want to associate this site with last names and specific details, but not as much. I care because I'm actually a pretty private person, and I don't like all my crap out there, but the other early issues are gone. My exes still aren't stalking me (and if they are, my, but they're nice about it), and as far as my job -- I'm upfront about this blog with every employer. And since I don't write about work or at work, it's not an issue. At this point, if I feel very protective of the specific details, it's mainly for my son's sake. I want to keep him and his *real* identity protected (and I'm ready to pull the plug here the second that's compromised), and that's made me pull back some (and the divorce, of course), made me think more about ways to write as I'd like to without crossing lines or compromising things.

But back then, this was a big deal to me. There was a big difference to me between writing under a fake name vs. my real one. Maybe I felt more accountable for my words, for the content, for how I crafted it all. There's a degree of nakedness to this, a vulnerability I don't always like but seem drawn to. And the feeling can be freeing, which is neat, but it can also be painful and suffocating.

And five years into this, I wonder still at how it all will turn out. I had no actual plan when I started here, I just wanted to write. I never thought about how long I'd do it, how I'd end it, none of it. Maybe on some level, I thought I'd grow bored, stop, then come back when the mood struck me. I did not think there'd be readers beyond family and close friends, and I certainly could not foresee the turns my life took. In fact, if this blog helped me cope with being a new mom, I figured it'd help me cope with a second child, and then a third, and the life that came with being a fulltime working wife and mother. If I'd been asked in April 2006 what I thought I'd be writing about today, I probably would have said, "about my mixed feelings about having a third child."

But hey, look where we are. My son is going on six and he's it. The older he gets, the less I want another child, for a whole host of reasons, so that third child is more a figment of my imagination than he ever was. Five years into this, what I've had to write about is the end of a marriage, the end of the life I knew, and the new life I've had to create for myself and my boy. And even that, at some point it became difficult to write about, caught up as I've been with craving privacy and simply not having the time to sit and write thoughtfully.

I don't know how this blog will continue to evolve, what stories lie ahead. But I suspect that whatever happens, it'll be shared here.

Thanks for joining me on the journey so far.