I own all the content and pictures on this site, except where noted. If you steal anything from me, and
especially if you do anything mean or inappropriate with them, I will find you. Then I'll sue you for
theft, slander, libel and any other law that applies. Then I'll ridicule you in humiliating ways
here and everywhere else I contribute to. If you fuck with me, I'll get get all Gladiator on your ass
and unleash hell. Think I'm kidding? So did my a couple of my exes, my old neighbors, as well as
some assholes who ripped me off on Ebay, and last I heard, they were all still trying to undo the
damage I caused.
I've started this post like 100 times now, only to promptly delete
the first couple of paragraphs, stare at the blank screen for a few
minutes, and then start all over again.
I don't know how to write this. Guess that's what I should
conclude after all these attempts. My brain is having a total aside
moment now, amused at how you can consider yourself a writer, or be
someone who needs to write just to function or who writes every single
day (and I do, though lately not online), and still not be able to write
for crap when your emotions are all over the place and you don't know
how to say what you want to say.
I should just say it. I should be as blunt as I tend to be in
person and just drop the six words and be done with it. I know right at
this moment that that's exactly what I'm going to do in just a few
seconds, but first I'm compelled to explain that I really wanted a cute
or moving or funny preamble to this, but look, I failed. I'm just a
rambling mess. Oh well. Best to just get to it.
JEVO ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM.
Now I'm grinning like a fool and I want to say it another way.
JEVO AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED.
Oh wow, I could do this for a while. But I won't.
O.k., one more time.
JEVO AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!
People, I am beside myself with joy. My heart cannot contain the
intensity of my happiness. I'm so happy, I'm terrified. I've been
growing more and more used to this sweet, fulfilling, great life he and I
have been building together, I've been learning to believe that all
this is real and mine and been working on surrendering to it - but the
overwhelming tide of emotions that have hit me this last week have
almost been too much. I'm not wholly used to this - this kind of
relationship that's so full of mutual respect, commitment and belief in
I can't express how blessed I feel. Three-and-a-half years ago, I
couldn't have imagined any of this. Not him, not the way we would
click, not how deeply I would fall in love or how completely he would
change my life. We've been through so much these two-plus years we've
been together - a lot of it difficult and challenging and downright
scary. Opening your heart and truly committing to someone else and the
relationship you build with them - especially after divorce - is
frightening. It takes a boatload of faith in the other and their
intentions; it takes a huge willingness to be vulnerable and trusting,
even those moments when you really don't think you have it in you. And
with Jevo, it's been a repeated experience in going through this and it
always turning out o.k. - better than o.k. He doesn't play with my head
or heart and makes sure I know - even in the middle of a fight - that he
loves me and wants what's best for the relationship. And he - for reasons that I don't always understand but am infinitely
grateful for - he sees me how no one's ever seen me. He can cut through
my b.s. and see whatever's good about me. I've never known this. I don't always know how to react to it. But it's everything I've ever needed and wanted.
has been pretty vocal about his desire for us to get married, so we
decided to tell him together. His immediate response: "GREAT! Now I get
my brother or sister!!" (who needs a biological clock when you have a
six-year-old who constantly asks where his baby brother/sister is?). We
had to explain that would still take some time, but he remained excited.
When Jevo told him, "we'll officially be family," he gave him a
quizzical look and told him, "but you're already my family." And this -
to have my boy so excited, to know how much he adores Jevo (or "Catholic
dad," as he calls him) - is the thing that moves me to pieces.
It's not just all I've written about us - it can't be in my situation.
I've seen them develop their own relationship, one that is constantly
evolving, and how the three of us have formed our own unit. If I feared
allowing myself to love again, I feared how that could affect my son
even more. And here, there is nothing to fear. Jevo's commitment is to
us both, and Max senses this. After we gave him the news, when he and I
were alone, snuggling, I asked him how he felt about it all. "I've
wanted him to be my step-dad since I met him," he told me. "This is the
best thing ever."