Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What Do You Mean, I Have to Put a Wedding Together?!

Just when I feared I had nothing of interest left to blog about, along comes a proposal that turns everything upside down, and, voila! This blog becomes, as of right now, the receptacle of all my anxiety as I launch into wedding preparations, because this, this is going to be one interesting experience.

Before I launch into the reasons for my wedding anxiety, I have to say that we have mulled quite a few times just going to the courthouse and throwing a backyard bash at a later date (and who knows, if this process drives me insane enough, we might do just that), but we've decided to do a simple ceremony and reception with close family and friends. I am not at all someone who needs or wants a full-blown wedding, but we both feel that our union is a cause for celebration. I chafe at the notion that a second wedding should be done in as quiet and non-event way as possible, because hey, you already had one. I don't want or need anything big or fancy or anything like that, but that we found each other and fell so deeply in love and have built something that is fulfilling and good is a miracle in itself, and we want to celebrate it. We also want to have something special to mark for Max the day we officially become a family. He has an idea what weddings are and what they mean, and I want him to celebrate, too.

So, I've been trying to hone in on some of this anxiety, and I guess it boils down to a few things. First of all, I just want to get to the part where we're husband and wife. Sure, I want to get there in a fun, sweet way, but it's the marriage itself I'm most excited about. I can't believe I feel this way, but I do. I don't fantasize about the party or me in a beautiful dress, I fantasize about all that lies ahead and the ways in which we'll grow and face things together and grow closer and live day-to-day. But we did decide on that small wedding, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited about putting together something special for us.

This brings me to the second thing: while I want a simple, unique, fun wedding for us, there's a whole lot about weddings that I don't like, and it's hard to reconcile these two things. Seriously, I have a considerable list of everything I don't like, and it's making it hard for me to plan this event when I keep running into people trying to shove these things in my face. Everything that is "tradition," that "everyone does," I just instinctually reject. And while right now my wedding is in my cross-hairs, I'm like this about everything. I can't stand it when people do things just because it's what's expected or what everyone does and they don't even bother to question it or ponder if that's what they really want for themselves. 

So here I am, facing all these "expected" things and pushing them away. Let me clarify - I don't feel like this about every single aspect of a wedding, but it's enough that I'm feeling a little batty right now. I don't want engagement pictures; I will in no way wear a garter; I don't want a white dress (though I doubt I'll stray too far from ivory or champagne); I don't want a cake; I don't give a crap about what color my napkins are. It's those kinds of things, and it's all insignificant stuff that has nothing to do with what a wedding is to me, and I'm feeling a bit miffed at the way these things are suddenly supposed to carry some significance for me or otherwise I risk ruining my magical day. My eyes couldn't possibly roll any farther back into my head right now.

(And none of that is a commentary or judgment on anyone else who's into it. To each his/her own, it's just not for me.)

And third, it turns out that even "simple" carries one hell of a price tag, so I've learned very quickly that if  I want to do this on our terms and within our budget, we have to be assertive hard asses. Fair enough, it's just exhausting. I'm amused that vendors think I want this so badly that I'd blow my budget or not ask 10,000 questions and specify every single detail and fight what I feel needs fighting. They don't understand that I'm more prone to walk out the door or end the conversation without giving them my business than anything else. I don't cave, vendors! I can't be swayed by talk about how I must have or do this or that or my day just won't be the same!

Whew. So there's all that. We need to settle on some big things before I can relax and enjoy this. Because that's a big part of this for me - I want to enjoy this process and be creative and have a celebration that is not at all cookie-cutter and is instead very "us" and also so much fun and so sweet that everyone will cry with joy. 

And after all that's done and over with, the real fun will start.


Posted by Tere @ 4/24/2012   | |


  • Blogger Holly posted at 4/24/2012 11:29 PM  
    Gasp! You're a bride!!! So happy for you. Definitely be assertive. It's your wedding and you have the say. Just enjoy it!
  • Blogger Mary G posted at 4/25/2012 7:57 AM  
    Yes, indeed. I rebelled against the white wedding thing and had a very unconventional wedding. Inexpensive, too. And I have never regretted it. One of my nieces went the private ceremony plus reception later route, and it was lovely. Her sister just had a small wedding for which they wrote their own vows and had lovely, lovely food for us all, babies welcomed.
    My own daughter fussed about tablecloth and napkin colours. I love her anyway.
    Hope your day will be all you want, without too much hassle.
    And, congratulations to you and your lucky grooom.
  • Anonymous Anonymous posted at 4/29/2012 4:52 PM  
    Tere I have been reading your blog for quite some time and all I can say is its fabulous.. Much happiness and congratulations to you. I just wanted to say everything and anything goes now a days I was a wedding planner once upon a time let me tell you there are more bridzillas out there then you can imagine:/ However if you need any advice I would be happy to provide free of charge. This is not something I am doing anymore but I do know how overwhelming it gets not to mention the price tag. Let me know if there is anything I can do advice included just email me anytime. bellaviv11@yahoo.com. I am so happy for you three I know its going to rock whatever you decide!
  • OpenID freetobemommy posted at 5/01/2012 3:04 PM  
    Oh goodness I so understand where you are coming from. & I totally relate to what you said about just looking forward to the actual marriage. I don't really care about the dress or the big party of it all. I just want to be his wife and be happy. Sigh.
  • Anonymous Litter Box Guy posted at 10/03/2012 3:48 PM  
    Haha that is really sad. Well its your wedding and you are in charge. Making it happen!!! great post lol
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