I own all the content and pictures on this site, except where noted. If you steal anything from me, and
especially if you do anything mean or inappropriate with them, I will find you. Then I'll sue you for
theft, slander, libel and any other law that applies. Then I'll ridicule you in humiliating ways
here and everywhere else I contribute to. If you fuck with me, I'll get get all Gladiator on your ass
and unleash hell. Think I'm kidding? So did my a couple of my exes, my old neighbors, as well as
some assholes who ripped me off on Ebay, and last I heard, they were all still trying to undo the
damage I caused.
I wasn't at all nervous until I was standing in the semi-hidden hallway, clutching my son's hand, and my song started. With the opening notes, my stomach flip-flopped and I thought, oh shit, it's really happening. It felt like my happiness would burst through me at the same time I feared forgetting my vows (the ones I didn't write down because every time I tried to, I'd get too emotional and incoherent and had therefore decided to blurt out when the moment came).
As I turned the corner and saw my family and friends, I felt better and instantly overwhelmed. When I saw him, way up at the front, it's like everything fell away from me. I couldn't hear the song, couldn't focus on the individual faces around me or their smiles and murmurs and flashing cameras. There was him, there was us walking toward him, and I didn't have any awareness of anything else.
It looked something like this:
Unsurprisingly, everything is blur. I remember snippets but mainly only have a sense of how intensely happy I felt, mixed with a certain slight incredulity that this was all really real and happening to me and this was it and all that stuff.
The celebration itself was exactly as we'd planned it - simple and pretty and sweet. We wrote out our entire ceremony, so it was heavy on the personal and heartfelt (but short - neither one of us can stand long, overdrawn affairs). My nieces and nephews walked down the aisle to Madonna's True Blue, while Max and I walked to Switchfoot's Your Love is a Song. The reading was actually the lyrics to a Bruce Springsteen song (If I Should Fall Behind) that very early on he dedicated to me and that means a great deal to him in terms of our relationship. We shared our vows - each of us, unbeknownst to the other, having aimed for humor and sweetness - and promised "utter obedience" to the other as we slipped our rings on each other's fingers (we were half-kidding with that). My dad read a moving, hilarious poem he wrote for the occasion, there was lots of kissing, and that was that: husband and wife. The three of us walked back up the aisle to Andy Kim's Rock Me Gently (another song he says reminds him of me/us).
The officiant (my husband's best friend) is saying something, and we're all googly-eyed with each other:
Next up was brunch, where the only traditional thing we did was the first dance (to Firehouse's Love of a Lifetime). It was a late morning/early afternoon of yummy food, mimosas, good music and lots and lots of talking and laughter. Like I said, everything we wanted.
Officially a family, and positively elated:
Life is picking up where we left it, but it feels different. I'm not
sure I can explain it - it's like there's an added depth to everything. The last two weeks have been a whirl of honeymooning; getting back home and therefore back to parenting, work and the daily routine; and us vacillating between giddiness and moments where one of us will utter "I can't believe we're married." We did this for a number of personal reasons and have spent the last months (since getting engaged in April) feeling excited and thrilled - and even so, now that we're here, that feeling has doubled, and I'm surprised to feel so surprised by it. It's a place where life, part 1 and life, part 2 collide, where my past experience with marriage is practically opposite of all this relationship has been, and my brain needs a bit to sort it out. I expected this of us, of our move toward marriage, and am idiotically surprised anyway.
In the end I just feel very aware that I'm living days that are important in my life story, days I have to stop and notice everything about and feel the gratitude. We will have challenges and hard days and unknowns that I can't even guess at. So these days we're living now are the ones that will fortify us for those that lie ahead.
Of the day we married itself, it was all we wanted, and more. It was a beautiful beginning.
(Note: Pics stolen from friends and family. You know who you are; let me know if you want credit.)